The Unorthodox Fairy Tales
by Seaouryou
Summary: [Jaken x Rin] Rin is in love. Sesshoumaru is getting a really bad headache. Jaken is in for a world of hurt. AhUn is staying out of it.


When Sesshoumaru first found out, he was angry.

He was also rather repulsed, and slightly, hardly, _scarcely_ curious about how exactly the mechanics of such a relationship could work.

But mostly, he was angry.

Jaken seemed to sense this. At least, if he hadn't at first, the pounding should have given him some sort of clue. Sesshoumaru lifted his boot again, a some-what scandalized look on his face, and... stopped.

Now, if the decision had been left up to Sesshoumaru, he would have brought his foot down. After which he would have nailed him to a tree and left him there for a few days before he came back to see if the wolves had eaten him yet. ...If, that is, he remembered to come back at all. Sesshoumaru's memory really wasn't all that impressive.

Unfortunately (for Sesshoumaru; it was actually extremely fortunate for Jaken), Rin flung herself between boot and toad, shielding the latter and glaring resentfully at the owner of the former. Sesshoumaru paused, dumbfounded. Rin did not glare. At least, it wasn't done in his presence. And it was most definitely never directed towards _him_. But there she was, arms spread out protectively, staring defiantly at him. Rin did not _defy_ him. There was, clearly, something very wrong with the universe this morning.

she said evenly, then lost her nerve and swallowed nervously before plunging on. I - We - hoped you could be happy for us. But if you _can't_, I'm sorry, but we're not going to stop being together. I, ah, she flushed. I love him, Sesshoumaru-sama.

Sesshoumaru stared. Then, slowly, he lowered his foot. Rin breathed a sigh of relief, though she still looked a little anxious. She offered him a wane smile, and Sesshoumaru stared harder.

Then he cursed and left to do what he always did when he had to think: stare blankly off the edge of a cliff.

--

The right head watched Sesshoumaru as he left in (should the person have been anyone other than Sesshoumaru) a huff. The left head watched Rin as she looked after him, chewing on her bottom lip, then whirled around to fuss over a very bruised and battered Jaken. They both sighed and shook, and conversed in their own tongue.

_It's a bad business, isn't it, Ah?__It's all a bad business when they're concerned, Un._

There was a small lull as they watched Rin bandage Jaken's arm, making a tearful apology for not stepping in sooner. Jaken was more than a little red in the face, and having it combine with the green created an interesting affect.

Presently, one of the heads voiced a question that had been flittering across its mind.

_What exactly is Jaken, anyway? An imp? A lizard? A toad? Godzilla's second cousin?_ said Ah.

_Yes, Ah?_ said Un.

_Shut up, Un,_ said Ah.

--

Sesshoumaru growled a little bit to himself, glaring. He preferred nighttime when he had to do problem solving. Slight cloud cover with lows in the mid-seventies only managed to produce slightly-muddled musings.

For a moment, Sesshoumaru tried to picture Rin the way Jaken did. (A million voices cried out in pain and were silenced.) It didn't go over very well. Inu youkai based beauty on completely different factors. (Mostly, nice hair.) Sesshoumaru could have tried to decide if a squash was attractive for all the good it would have done.

She was... older, right? Sesshoumaru frowned. She was still shorter than him, so he couldn't tell if she had gotten taller or not. How long had she been traveling with them, anyway? When someone knew they were going to live for hundreds and hundreds of years, they didn't tend to concern themselves with the passage of time. Sesshoumaru had never had a reason to, before now.

But, really... _Rin?_ With _JAKEN?!_ And everyone was acting like this was all perfectly natural, and Love Conquers All, and blah blah blah...

Clearly, Sesshoumaru was the only sane youkai left in the world.

That did not bode well.

--

Se-Sesshoumaru-sama, you're back, she stammered, looking embarrassed at being caught clinging to Jaken's arm. Embarrassed, but not guilty. Sesshoumaru shuddered. _Ugh_.

You will come speak with this Sesshoumaru.Right, of course, she said quickly, hopping up to her feet and, after bending over and exchanging a quick word with a panicky Jaken, she scrambled after him.

They walked in silence for a while, Rin keeping a fair distance behind him, until he finally stopped and turned to regard her. Rin shifted her weight a little from foot to foot, then cleared her throat.

Is it okay if I sit down?...

He said nothing, which she took as a yes, and fell back with an . She supported her side as she eased herself down, then crossed her legs and looked up at him quietly.

She blinked once, her eyes widening just enough to make her look a little more innocent.

It's Jaken.

Rin sighed a little and closed her eyes, a dreamy look appearing on her face along with a longing sort of smile. 

One of Sesshoumaru's eyes twitched, just a little. Why? _How?_

Opening her eyes and squinting a little, Rin looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged. Jaken was always around to look after me when you left - and you leave a _lot_, Sesshoumaru-sama. He made sure I took care of my appearance and got enough to eat, and he'd always talk to me, and listen to me even if it was only so he could argue with me. And he's strong and unbelievably loyal, and he's nice and funny and, well... one day, I just fell in love. You can't control these things.

It may have been better for Rin if she had left the last part off, because it sounded like a challenge and Sesshoumaru's pride always got in the way when it came to challenges. Why else would he have followed after Tessaiga for so long, when it was ridiculously obvious he wasn't going to get it?

I am ending this. Rin's eyes widened and her mouth fell open in horror. You both will cease this... You CAN'T! We're in love!

Sesshoumaru's expression hardened. You are not. This is... some ridiculously misplaced childhood crush, and it will stop now-It is NOT! Rin shouted, jumping to her feet, and Sesshoumaru was startled. Rin did not yell. Not at _HIM_. I am not a child, and this is not a childhood crush! This is serious! I am a woman and I fell in love with Jaken, God dammit! she cried, resisting the urge to stomp her foot childishly. We're in love and I'm not going to let you tell me what to do, not about this! I can live with you not supporting us, but if you try and keep us apart I'll just _die_. And this time, you won't be able to bring me back!

There was an utter, stunned silence, and then Rin made a strangled gasp and clapped her hands over her mouth in horror. For a moment Sesshoumaru thought the fear in her eyes was for her own life (The idea flittered, however briefly, across his mind, but he ultimately disregarded it. Sesshoumaru had the feeling Tenseiga would work itself free from its sheath and beat him over the head if he tried it, and... Damn that sword! This was all Tenseiga's fault!), but then she pried her hands away and began babbling.

Oh my gosh oh my gosh... Sesshoumaru-sama, I'm so sorry! Please, don't take this out on Jaken! It's not Jaken's fault! I...

Sesshoumaru stopped listening. Inconceivable... the girl gravely insults a very powerful, _very_ proud youkai, and she's worried about the welfare of a pyromaniac frog? He snorted and Rin broke off, looking up at him anxiously. He turned around and started back. This conversation is over.

Rin sank her teeth deep into her bottom lip, looking to her left and right as if searching for some sort of help. Her options gone, she took a deep breath and delivered the news:

Sesshoumaru-sama... I'm pregnant.

Sesshoumaru halted; his back stiffened.

And you don't have to worry! Because Jaken is great with kids! You won't have to do anything at all! And, um, Jaken and I were wondering, if it's a boy, if you would give us permission to name him Sesshoumaru'? ... Sesshoumaru-sama? Why are you beating your head against that tree like that? Doesn't it hurt? Sesshoumaru-sama?

--

Sesshoumaru cleared his throat as he regarded the youkai, human, and two-headed dragon thing assembled before him. Sesshoumaru made an effort to look at the trees, grass, clouds, sun, or anything _other_ than the fact Jaken was sitting on Rin lap and they were both snuggling. It was... cute', it was romantic', it was... who was he kidding. It was abso-fucking-lutely DISTURBING.

This Sesshoumaru will not _stop_ this... relationship'... though I in no way support it. Rin and Jaken both perked up visibly, and Sesshoumaru - barely - suppressed a shudder. But if, and only if, any and all... _details_... are not mentioned in this Sesshoumaru's presence.

Rin positively beamed at him. That seems fair. Though, ah, do you think you could tell us ahead of time when we should expect you back at night, Sesshoumaru-sama?

Sesshoumaru went looking for another tree.

--

I'll never understand, Jaken said quietly, seated in Rin's lap as she hummed and weaved flowers together in a wreath, Why in the world you would chose _me_.Because you're you, silly. That's all the reason I need. Jaken said, but when I'm compared to someone like _Sesshoumaru-sama_, well... you could have just as easily fallen in love with him.

Rin frowned. Don't put yourself down like that! she exclaimed. I suppose I _could_ have, but I didn't. I fell in love with YOU. She pursed her lips, spinning a flower around in her fingers so that the petals grazed her chin. Then a little grin broke out across her face.

Anyway, romancing Sesshoumaru-sama would be a bit like trying to make a dead fish stink worse. At Jaken's bemused look, she giggled and kissed him on the cheek.

You probably _could_ - but who in their right mind would _want_ to?

-**END**-

_:: And they had many tadpoles together and everyone lived happily ever after, except Sesshoumaru,  
but as long as he stands around and looks pretty no one really cares about that. ::_


End file.
